


That would be enough

by pearypie



Series: stars in your eyes (or: the Hamilton chronicles) [1]
Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Acceptance, Confessions, F/M, Letters, M/M, Realizations, letting go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-08-12 18:16:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7944406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pearypie/pseuds/pearypie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lady Elizabeth realizes a certain truth - one that has been staring her in the face since the start of her marriage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That would be enough

_“I don’t pretend to know / The challenges you’re facing / The worlds you keep erasing and creating / But I’m not afraid / So long as you come home at the end of the day / That would be enough”_ — Eliza Hamilton (from the Broadway musical, _Hamilton_ )

* * *

 

My dearest, darling Ciel, 

How I wish I could make you happy. If I could only bestow upon you the gift of Euphrosyne, then I shall meet death with a contented smile and know that all I have ever wanted has been given to me. I have, for many years, wandered between a vague understanding of who you are and what you desire. Yet the intangible material of your soul has always eluded me and I have suffered in silent contemplation for I so wish to see you happy, whatever the cost may be to myself. Should I have, without circumspect, hypothesized your attentive grace towards those around you as something beyond the conventional norm? Was I too willful, too blinded by what I wished to see than what was portrayed before me? 

Oh Ciel, if you love me as Ralph did Isabel then I would burst into tears though I cannot tell you if those tears are from melancholy or joy. I yearn for your love as many others do but it is such a rare, precious bird that I cannot bring myself to cage it. I desire for you to have all the love in the world, to embellish you with affection and mirth so that you may once again experience the Eden you were so cruelly robbed of. Can you not tell that everything I have done, I have done for you? Perhaps I am unfit to stand by your side for I am so very ignorant of your true mechanizations though I am willing to _learn._

Please do not think me a porcelain doll, worth only her keep upon a shelf of satinwood with the sunbeams dancing around me. If you could expunge the most terrible sins from the earth and barricade them before me, I would still see you as the best and truest of people because _I love you._

I have always loved you, but, I think, you may not have always loved me. 

In the darkened hour, with the sable night, do you stand in tandem with Selene herself and dance with the servant of carmine and raven hair? Do you press upon him those elusive kisses that for years I have sought but never kept? Oh Ciel, you are so exacting without thinking yourself good and I care not for social conventions if this is where your heart truly lies. How can I disparage you of happiness when all my life I have been trying to impress it upon you? Should I want for your love alone? If Veritas commanded me, I admit such truth freely. How can I not desire to keep you as my very own love, my very own heart? Command a legion of sirens or Eve herself—I care not who or whom, where or when. 

I desire only your happiness. 

How can I compel myself to believe otherwise when I feel this burdened ache deepening inside me…and yet, while I am reminded of heartbreak, I sense something more eminent—more beautiful—than anything I could imagine in print. For he who loves you with such tender affection cannot be denied the reciprocation of similar love and it is not until now that I understand what love entails. I am all at once a broken torrent of grief and bitter sorrow, for I so love you as my own and wish, with every atom of my being, to be yours and yours alone. But if I cannot be your singular source of joy, I will not impose anything to the contrary. Tell me, please, if you love me at all. 

For I know you love him. 

 

Yours in affection and spirit, 

_Lizzy_

 

P.S. Whatever wish you have, execute it well! Do not bring misery upon yourself for the sake of legacy—I have learned joy is an ambiguous mistress and if you should desire to free yourself of all propriety, I cannot bring myself to feel even the smallest bit of affliction. You know how dearly I am bound to you. 

**Author's Note:**

> \- Euphrosyne: Greek goddess of joy and mirth. 
> 
> \- “…love me as Ralph did Isabel” — refers to the Henry James novel, ‘The Portrait of a Lady’. Ralph Touchett is the sickly but highly intelligent and very witty cousin of American debutante Isabel Archer. Throughout the course of Volume I, Ralph falls in love with his vivacious, imaginative cousin. His type of love, however, is left ambiguous. 
> 
> \- Selene: Greek goddess of the moon. 
> 
> \- Veritas: Greek goddess of truth. 
> 
> \- Eve: refers to Adam and Eve as well as original sin. (Hint, hint—Seb.) 
> 
> A/N: Might do a series of one-shots based on Hamilton lyrics. 
> 
> Reviews are love, dearies :)


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